The frustration at attempting to find gender neutral clothes because we did not want to know the sex of our unborn child was unbelievable! There was, and still is, white aplenty; walk into any store and the newborn section is awash in swathes of pink on one side and blue on the other. Personally, I am not a fan of either shade so the gender neutral colours that you are left with are white, cream or yellow. This colour palette is not vibrant nor fun for a child of any age is it? Colour choices get marginally better as they grow past the newborn baby stage but even then the pink for girls and blue for boys is enough to make me want to throw myself on the ground and throw a toddler tantrum. We have a son and no, I do not want to be limited to dressing him in various shades of blue, green, brown and grey. Do I get much of a choice? No.
And toys? Don't even get me started. A walk around a toy store is just as disappointing - from a female perspective, why are all the dolls, prams, kitchen and household type toys aimed towards little girls? I, for one, can honestly say that as a child I was not interested in dolls other than to see how easily said dolls body parts would come apart. Sheesh, I spend sufficient time as an adult carrying out the role of homemaker to make me actually want to get my son his very own household type toys so that he does not fall into that stereotypical trap of being useless on the housekeeping front. As it stands, it will be an absolute miracle if I do not buy him a mini ironing board, vacuum cleaner etc so that he can play house with me.
This made me think about my role in being a parental stereotype. Am I? My mother raised all her daughters to be intelligent, strong and fiercely independent women. She was the major bread winner in our home and my father was the male chauvinist stereotype who lifted not a finger because it was deemed to be out of his remit. Has this experience altered my views on what my role should be? I look at myself and question all the things that I do day to day. What message am I/we sending our son?
I am adamant that by the time he leaves home he will be fully capable of looking after himself - a long time away it may seem but I like to be prepared. It makes me cringe when I hear about grown men who cannot iron a shirt or know how to boil an egg - I'm sorry but there's doing everything for your children and then there's crippling them by not giving them life skills. It is even worse than actually being able to look after yourself but choosing to sit on your laurels. Only just mind, but that's my opinion!
It is not only the practical skills that I want my son to learn. I also want him to have good emotional intelligence - none of this "Big boys don't cry". I want him to be able and feel free to express and deal with his emotions and feelings whatever they may be.
How much will society's expectation of what a man should be play? Am I looking to go against the very nature of being a boy? Does anyone have the answer?
These are big questions for this time in the morning! ;-)
ReplyDeleteGrowing up in my house, my mum was SAH and my dad the breadwinner. Regardless, me and my siblings all know our way around a kitchen, washing machine and vacuum.
Now, Mrs L and I share a lot of the household chores, though I will concede she still does more than her fair share. That's more down to my natural levels of slovenliness than being a man though (or maybe they're the same thing) ;-)
Early it may have been but there is this innate fear that resides in me about bringing up our son to be one of those that drives his partner insane because he will fall into the negative stereotype. Do I worry too much, most probably!
DeleteWhen your boy is old enough, maybe you can do what we do with our girls. We let them choose. And as it turns out, one of our girls LOVES dresses (the poofier and sparklier and pinker, the better), and we let her go in that direction. The other daughter HATES dresses and loves to wear pants and "tomboy" clothes, and we let her go in that direction. Same with toys and interests. We try to push them in different directions (sports, clubs, hobbies) so they can see what's out there, but we accept their feelings on what they like/dislike. Sometimes they fall into gender stereotypes, sometimes not. *shrug* That seems like the best way to do it. Support whichever direciton they go with toys, clothes, etc.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with allowing him to make those choices and will support him on those without question. I can only teach him the life skills he needs and hope that he will utilise them fully.
DeleteFirstly it annoys the hell out of me that you go into a clothes or toy shop and you are greeted by a wall of pink and a wall of blue. Just bonkers isn't it?
ReplyDeleteSecondly completely agree on the life skills, I met quite a few blokes at uni that were as you describe and couldn't cook or clean for themselves. I think if you get him involved in doing those things now then he'll learn how to them just from watching you and it'll just become a normal thing for him.
Clothes or toy shops are truly awful. Do you know how long it took me to source a picture of a gender neutral coloured ironing board and iron? The number of pink ones or one with little girls in the picture was shocking! Is the message that the toy manufacturers are trying to convey that only females iron?
DeleteI have come across blokes that you describe - how on earth that happens I do not understand.
Im sure he will turn out just right after all he has a great Mum to guide him :)
ReplyDeleteI worry too much don't I? I try my very best and give him all that I can. Everything else will be up to him in the end.
Deletetbh I dont see the colour just the toy - my boy has played with prams and my daughter with tool kits - joy of having boy/girl twins!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Maybe I, myself, need to see beyond the colour otherwise in some way I am continuing with the stereotype to some degree. My head hurts!!
DeleteYep, I used to be just as concerned about this, until I had the Bug. His favourite colour was pink and he loved to play babies. I couldn't be bothered to argue, and his sister entertained him. Until he hit nursery, at which point all girls became evil, stick-guns appeared daily on our doorstep, and GG had to learn to deal with bombs and killing from her younger brother. They now both play football and piano. So I think they will be what they will be, just keep letting them see everything, annd they'll decide for themselves
ReplyDeleteI keep getting this same message. I guess we can only show them but ultimately they do the choosing.
DeleteI think we influence our kids whether we want to or not. Lydia loves sharks because Gary does, she loves to wear dresses because that's what I wear often. I imagine he'll find his own way and some of it will be his environmental influences, and some of it will be his own preference. So long as you don't quash his interests, he'll find his way.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I am conscious that he may take an interest in things I have no interest in. I have a lot to learn whatever it may be that he decides he likes.
DeleteSuch a hard one! I never intended to gender stereotype my daughter, but she honestly is attracted to all things pretty and pink. Growing up I hated the colour pink (probably because my mum was always dressing me in it) I studied Sociology as part of my degree and looked into the gender stereotypes and socialisation then so I find the subject very interesting. Environmental factors play such a big influence whether we like it or not, and as much as I was happy for B Lloyd to play with cars, tractors and where blue she "naturally" wanted to push a buggy and play with dolls. Maybe the one I'm cooking currently will be happy to play with both sets of toys!
ReplyDeleteI worry that environmental factors will have a negative effect on him and it is those I have no control over. In our own home and in our company we can try our best to help him discover everything. What he chooses and does himself is subject to a multitude of other influences. What maketh the man? Everything evidently.
DeleteI think that things are slowly getting a little bit better. When we were kids it was definitely boys don't cry, they play with action men. Girls play with dolls and want to be a hairdresser when they grow up! Although i'm with you on the whole pink buggy thing, if they weren't pink you probably would get more boys playing with them! One thing all of mine love, boys and girls, is LEGO! Can't get enough of it :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that things are getting better albeit slowly. I wonder if I'm asking too much, especially with myself trying to be this all singing all dancing 21st century woman.
DeleteAgree with much of what you say. You can only do your best though. He is an individual and may well make suprising choices whatever input you give. There are no perfect parents, just be good enough.
ReplyDeleteI am working on being the best that I can and hope that will be enough.
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