Attention

I'm finding that attention is becoming a bone of contention.  I have a specific idea that I hold in my head as to what giving our son attention should be.  For me, it is undivided and given to him without question but from comments that have been passed I wonder if I am getting it wrong. 

"He's very clingy", "He'll find it hard at nursery", "You haven't left him with others enough" .... there are plenty more and you know what?  It makes my blood boil.  Do I rise up to those that say these things to me?  No.  I am at that point where I feel that it is pointless me responding as it only unleashes more hurtful comments which makes me feel utterly helpless, useless and rubbish.

Our son craves more and more play that involves interaction; he is happy to play on his own for a while but is going through that phase where he likes to know we are there and no, that does not mean he is permanently attached to my body!  Why is his natural development not taken as such?  If I had spent nearing ten months in the company of one other person for 99% of that time I wouldn't doubt that I would behave the same.  He adapts to new situations as we all do; he will do it far better as he has no preconceived ideas or notions that we as adults have.  Do I find it strange that he takes time to warm to strangers?  Not at all.  I personally prefer him to be cautious and take his time to get used to new people; I don't treat people I've just met as though we're long lost friends so why should Munch?

Have I pandered to his needs too much?  If he has wanted a cuddle I have given it, when he has been upset I have consoled him, whatever he has needed I have delivered without question.  In making sure he has gotten my undivided attention I thought I was laying the foundations of emotional stability, trust and the confidence to make those independent explorations of the world. 

So why do I get made to feel as though I have given too much?  Why do I get made to feel that I have done wrong by giving him all the attention I have?  Is there such a thing as too much attention?  And why, oh why is this parenting malarkey such a minefield?  I am giving our son what I believe will give him the best start in life, if I am doing him harm through all the attention I shower on him then I'm not sure I understand what being a parent means to some.

A matter of opinion

Opinion.  You have yours and I have mine - we may agree on some, overlap on others and heaven forbid even disagree at times.

Being a parent somehow gives everyone free reign to give you theirs on a regular basis - sometimes in a well-meaning and helpful manner and others in an 'I know best' kind of way.  We all parent in our own style - a personal mash-up of various tried and tested, as well as the not so tested,  methods that sit with our own beliefs as to what parenting should be.  Begs the question, why are some so forceful with their opinions?

The most horrifying discovery in the parenting arena for me has been when those sharing the same opinions band together and mock/belittle those that have differing ones.  From my point of view, this behaviour is tantamount to bullying.  An emotive word I know but that is how I see it I am afraid to say.

I am all for learning from others and discussing reasons as to why we are following a particular path.  That does not mean we presume to know what is best, expect anyone else to adopt our parenting choices or that our personal book on parenting is better than anyone elses.  Even in this short space of time, the thoughts that we had on parenting pre-Munch have developed and changed as we have had to adapt and evolve with each passing day.  Hell, I was very anti-dummy use until I got so desperate that I was willing to try anything, even that!  My relief when the little man refused it point blank was palpable mind.

The choices and decisions we make as to how best to bring up our child/ren come, in part, from personal experience, knowledge we get given and seek, experience of others etc etc.  Parenting is full of enough guilt about whether what we are doing is right without others adding to it by telling us our decisions are wrong/bad. 

Is it too much to ask that we all respect each other's opinions?  I, for one,  cannot presume to know what drives another parent to the difficult decisions that we all have to make.   Can you?