Two

Before you arrived I could not imagine what life would be like with you in it. I sit here now and cannot remember whether there was an actual 'life' before you - I know it must have been more than merely existing as I have fond memories of events gone by.  There has been one solitary morning where I have woken up without seeing you and the only word I can use to describe it is bereft.

Another twelve months have gone by and we have forged a stronger bond than we had previously.  We have had many a milestone moment and your Mummy, I, has shed a happy tear at each one.  As the words start to come easier to you our understanding of one another improves - this has also meant that you are able to communicate your wants, needs and desires as well as "No". We have the tantrums which are only just beginning but we are learning.  Mummy has a constant voice that whispers in her ear that you are learning, constantly learning right now and so needs to learn to be patient, ever patient.  It has been a steep learning curve for Mummy and right now I am learning about me too.

At 2 you are a boy.  You love the outdoors - simple things like running up and down a hill will have your Daddy and I stood for many a minute waiting for you to tire.  You have inherited Mummy's observer characteristics and your Daddy's lack of fear, fun and ability for sport.  There is the kicking, throwing and catching of balls.  The jumping on and off everything possible has my heart in my mouth every time but I am also aware that you need to be confident in how your body can and will work.  It makes Mummy much happier now that you bend your knees as you land!

Munch's second birthday!

You love horses.  We know not why but they mesmerise you.  We are lucky to live not far from paddocks and stables and so a trip to see the 'horsies' is an easy one.  You love spying aeroplanes high in the sky and can often spot them before we do.  You saw a helicopter at nursery once and since then have pointed to the sky searching for a 'copter'.  The pace at which you are learning has Mummy doing her own frantic homework - time spent trawling across the internet looking for ways to help you discover and learn about the world around you.  Trying hard to make sure that we help develop your creative side that is so alien to both your parents. 

Your favourite foods change all the time but firm favourites are most definitely noodles, rice, sweetcorn and chickpeas.  You are still drinking only water and milk but now using a cup/beaker which you prefer to either be pink or blue.  We have spent time baking and making food together now that you are a little older but you are eager to help Mummy chop. 

You have a strong character developing - the determined, stubborn streak that both Daddy and I possess is there already.  We are both mindful that you do not develop the negatives that can come with that.  You are full of energy, love to dance and sing, love your books and music but most of all you are having the childhood that both Daddy and I have worked hard to make sure you have.  One filled with fun and happiness, security and love, along with a growing independence as you take your steps along your journey.

As I write this I will not know if we have done right by you until many years have passed.  The one thing I do hope you will come to understand is that all that we have done so far and all the things that are to come have been considered and done out of love.  You are loved more than we thought it possible to love and for that I thank you.

Today and always, we love you.

Pushing forwards

I waved goodbye to 2012 with great gusto.  It was a year that taught me much about myself but also much about those around me.  There were times where I could not see further than the three hour blocks of a newborn, there were others where being tired took on a whole new meaning.  These are now replaced by looking forward to the times when Munch has a nap and to those where he exhibits his pure brilliance in comic timing at the tender age of fifteen months.  He has a talent I'm telling you!

We start 2013 with the knowledge that we have a wedding to finish planning. I am currently very grateful that my vision of Munch walking me down the aisle is set to become reality as he is a steady little soul on his feet right now.  The only doubt is whether it is going to be walking or dragging of Mummy dearest down the aisle - mental note to self, maybe heels will not be a good idea!  That and whether he will spend it waving and saying hello to everyone that we pass on our way. 

Am I going to diet at all? No idea. I never really have and am not sure I possess the will power when it comes to food. I would much rather put myself in a dress that fits than try and get myself to fit into one in all honesty.  I'm testing the whole Sprout will love me regardless of whether I look like the back end of a bus or not theory.  Maybe I will miraculously turn into the perfect hourglass using some spandex wonder undergarment instead.  For me, it's not about my dress but about the two of us and sharing that with our family and closest friends.

Munch has now mastered the 'Hello' in addition to 'Hiya'.  We got a 'please' once but more often than not it is 'peese' and he can sign it - it's very similar to blowing a kiss mind.   With the mountain of new toys that arrived in the form of Christmas presents came new storage ideas and our newest game which has become our firm favourite - yes, you've guessed it. Gold star to you in the middle! Yes, the tidy up game.  We have gone from taking turns in putting toys away to Munch surprising us and becoming grand master at it by 2013.  I thought I mastered new things quickly but by jove he puts me to shame.   He's showing us that he understands the order of certain events and the whole bedtime routine is now even easier.  Munch will pull his socks off and once he's naked he will put his clothes in the wash basket and then totter off towards the bathroom squealing with delight.  It's as though another switch inside that brain of his has been tripped and there's a whole new world of learning. 

He leaves us open mouthed many a time with the things that he shows us.  One of his favourite books is 'Incy, Wincy spider'; it plays the tune and has buttons that make different sounds and he'll pick it off his shelf and get us to sing it over and over.  The other day we had been singing it quite a few times and I said to him, " Bring Mummy the Wheels on the Bus book please".  We'd never asked him but up he got and walked to the bookshelf.  Sprout's expression said it all. Munch had got the actual book and was coming back with it. Wow, just wow!  We've always been amazed at the rate at which he learns but recently it's gone into a higher gear and we're in constant awe.  In our eyes Munch is a genius of a little boy.

He will dribble a ball across the room much to his father's delight.  I know little about football but apparently he is a natural Sprout keeps telling me.  I was far more impressed when nursery told us that he'd been helping tidy up and wanting to vacuum. Munch doesn't express a preference for specific toys; some days it is books, others fire engines and cars but he seems to have the most fun with DVDs, remote controls, Daddy's phone, a balloon and the laundry baskets.  Who needs toys?

2012 taught me that my perspective on life had shifted.  My head is in a stronger place and my answer to something I caught on television the other day - "What do you want your children to inherit?"

My response? "A passion for life."

May 2013 bring us all a wealth of smiles and memories. Thanks for reading!

Fourteen months

Life seems to have taken over and run away with itself these past few months although I do wonder whether that is just me making excuses as to my lack of blogging.  Time becomes increasingly precious and it is such a fine balancing act that some things have been neglected completely.  This, I assure you, has not been for lack of subject matter that I have wanted to write about but more due to my dire time management skills it seems.

Munch is now fourteen months old and he becomes this ever more forceful presence in our lives as his personality and sense of self develops.  Yes, gone is the babe in arms, gone is the being that listened when you called his name or said no - instead we have this loving, playful little boy that tests those invisible boundaries every day in the name of learning and discovery.  I have gone from the stay at home mum to the full timer that snatches precious minutes with her son and wanting to make the most of all days off.  My reality is that every so often I am praying for the return to work for the break; at work I can operate on auto-pilot and there is a rhythm that sits well with my personality. 

Since starting nursery Munch has been subjected to the sharing that is childhood illness. It was expected but it has seemed an endless cycle of colds, coughs and then there was the vomiting bug that struck and which he kindly shared with me and Sprout.  Our first family illness - hurrah!  It was awful, truly awful; being a parent cannot stop when you yourself are ill regardless of how sorrowful you may be feeling.  I don't want to have that shared experience ever again if possible.  Munch's illness has always taken hold on my days off which has meant they have been spent with a cranky little boy.  Throw into the mix the teething that is neverending and it has taken its toll on my patience - only the other week I turned to Sprout and told him I was seriously reconsidering reducing my hours next year.  I know it's a phase that his developing body is going through but it upset me so much that he was always fine when going to nursery but not when we were off together. I remind myself it's not always going to be rosy!

I am afraid to have to admit that I often question whether I could ever be a full time stay at home mum.  Sometimes the run of three consecutive days off work makes me want to cry as I realise that I do not have the patience, energy or know how as to how the stay at home parents manage the role 24/7.  Personally, I function better as a mother and person having that break away from Munch - does that make me a bad mother?  I feel as though my mothering qualities are not all there because of this but I know I would be hanging by a thread if things were different.

We had the excitement of going to get Munch's first shoes. That first visit ended with no shoes as his feet were not big enough!  Fast forward another few weeks and we handed over our hard earned money for the tiny shoes to be advised that he would need his feet measuring in another six to eight weeks. What?  No wonder it costs however many thousands to bring up a child is all I can say!  He now toddles about in the house and at nursery without hesitating; try putting him on his feet outside and he reverts back to the trusty crawl at the hint of danger - this is a work in progress indeed.

He is attempting to copy words we say now.  His vocabulary is growing in fits and starts but we are very proud that he has mastered "Ta"; manners maketh the man and all that.  He has dad, daddy, mama, duck, fish, shoes, sock, toes, toast, hiya, tickle, who's that, what's that and yes so far.  Munch babbles away and picks up different sounds all the times but is less than impressed with our understanding so Mummy and Daddy have some catching up to do.  It has been truly amazing how he learns and we constantly wonder how on earth the children of the world do it.  If I was to learn all the things they have to as an adult you would find me hiding under the covers in bed throwing a tantrum!

He giggles at the strangest things - the words mushroom and penguins no less.  I have no explanation but maybe he'll explain it to me one day.  We went through a period of Munch hating his bath times which lasted a couple of weeks and now we are back to him having fun in it. So much fun that he scoots to the farthest side away from us when it's time to get out!  He kicks his legs, tries to drink the water and stomps on the spot with a huge grin on his face.  It is a grin that is slowly filling with those pearly whites, he has four top and bottom now and my fingers have gone nowhere in that mouth for fear of having my fingers bitten off.  It is still safe to pop a finger down the side to check for molars but not for much longer I think.

Fourteen months our precious little boy has been in our home and what a journey it has been.  As Christmas approaches it is the family time we get to spend that is appealing. Am I ready?  Shhhh, I haven't even got one present yet and am in denial right now.  What have/haven't I done?

Until next time. Thank you for reading my waffle!

366 days of Munch

 So, today our Munch will have been with us for a whole three hundred and sixty-six days - this is excluding the period spent lodging in my belly of course.

This day has arrived far quicker than either of us could ever have imagined and it has gotten more and more exciting as the day approached.  What do we do to celebrate this milestone?  We are marking today by spending it together as a family for it is the exact same number of days since we became one.  There will be celebrations held more for the benefit of us adults than for him once the weekend arrives.  The chances of Munch remembering his first birthday celebrations are very, very slim but as parents we will remember this day forever just as we do the day he arrived. (Should you like to read Munch's birth story you'll find it here, if you'd like Sprout's take on events you can read his here.)

Three hundred and sixty-six days of new experiences and changes and this is just the beginning.  We have both made our way through the maze of parenting and have survived with one child in possession of all limbs intact - phew, so far so good!  There have been no dropping of child incidents,  thankfully only one explosive poo episode and so far no vomit.  *touches wood and crosses everything possible*  We have had many an adult discussion when it comes to our parenting choices and in the main we have been in agreement or have come to sensible compromises for the sake of Munch.  Yes, we could both be stubborn but then that only takes away the enjoyment that is our little boy.

This first year as a Mum has been a roller coaster of emotions but the one that has run throughout is the sheer happiness our little bundle brings.  In the early days it was the grasping of my finger and the ability to sleep in my arms; today it is the toothy, beaming smile he gives which makes my heart shine with the love I have for our little boy.  I am sure if you cut the cells in my body and peeked at them under a microscope you would see an image of Munch in each and every one.  He has permeated through all aspects of my life and his presence is undeniable.  Munch gives me a new perspective on all things and so changes have been made where necessary.  He teaches me everyday what unconditional love is and how, as parents, we do everything because of it.

I'd be lying if I said that it has been full of birds singing and bright flowers as it hasn't at times.  The not so happy moments become an increasingly distant memory as my brain uses its space to keep the more precious ones permanent and this happens ever faster as Munch grows and develops into his own person.  There are so many memories already but my most precious?  The one of Sprout and I with arms around each other at roughly 2.30am looking down at our sleeping son who had arrived a little over 8 hours previous.  We had made this beautiful little boy and he really was ours to love and care for .... always.  He was real, our family was real, it was no longer just a dream.

The beginning of the lasts

This time next week Munch will have his first settling in session at the nursery that we have chosen for him.  He starts exactly two weeks before my first day back at work; partly for him to get used to his new surroundings and new faces but mostly for me to adjust to being without him.  I am not looking forward to going back and I wrote about my feelings here.

This is my final full week with our dear, beautiful boy until our break in September and as luck would have it, it is this week that our bathroom is being done so we are stuck indoors!  Bah.  Our weekly routine of seeing all grandparents comes to an end as does the time he spends with his cousin.  We are about to deal a real blow to not just ourselves but to those around us too.  We have been in our current routine since the start of the year so we will all have been used to our comings and goings for a full seven months.

The grandparents have watched him grow and develop on a weekly basis; how we are going to fit visits in around us both working, running the house and family time we have not a clue.  How do we strike the balance and keep everyone happy?  The going to work and running a house has me scratching my head in wonder before I've even gone back yet!  In these seven months he has gotten to know his cousin and she him.  The jealous behaviour that we saw at first has been replaced with excitement and happiness when they see one another; the developing of this relationship I will work hard to maintain.  As a child I never got to know my many cousins; they lived on an entirely different continent which hampers things a little,  and so it has made me want to create a close bond between our son and his cousin.  I feel it part of our responsibility to forge the family relationship in these early years; our children can only have such relationships when us as parents work at making the effort and making time for them I believe.

Our weekly baby sensory group stops too.  I have watched him go from being the youngest to now being one of the older members and the time has come to move into the preschool group.  He has gone from being a babe in arms and having to be taken to the quiet area when he became overstimulated, to a mobile baby who is off exploring everything including the younger babies.  I will miss this group very much.  There are three of us Mums and there are but three weeks between our children; we have shared our experiences and watched as the boys interact evermore week on week.  Munch and I will be moving to the preschool group which fits in with my work schedule; they will be going to a different group - will our paths cross again?

Swimming has come to an end just as the little man was getting used to being in the water on his back.  Sprout and I have decided that we will go to the local pool as a family instead.  We will return to lessons once Munch is a little older and understands instructions but for now we want to keep him water confident at the very least. 

We have many lasts this week and are about to experience a raft of new beginnings.  There is trepidation as with any change but there is an air of excitement that exists too; as time ticks by there is a sadness as I say goodbye to this life which has given us both so much comfort,  Munch and I have had an idyllic seven months but we move forwards to pastures new of sorts.  Are we ready?  There are many, many firsts coming our way; we just need to remember to note them all down!

The 9 to 5

If there was ever a time I wished my old job was a 9 to 5 one,  it is now.  Before Munch and Sprout,  I was very career driven; my work gave me a focus away from a life that I was not happy living in.  I had made my way onto this, that and the other committee and was making a difference.  In short, I loved my job.

As I sit and write this post, I am faced with four weeks before my phasing back to full-time work begins.  The realisation that I really will be going back has finally hit me and I am trying hard not to panic and keep upbeat.  I look at Munch and know in my heart that he is now craving the interaction of other children.  I see it in his beautiful face every time there are children in our vicinity.  He is ready to become a little more independent and make his first steps into the big wide world of others.  I do not think I am wrong when I say I think he will adapt to the changes better than I.  I spent a morning sorting things out for my return to work and it all felt wrong within thirty minutes.  I have missed being me yet it was alien and didn't quite sit right on my shoulders.  I didn't think it would be that way.  I had convinced myself I would easily switch back to the old me in work mode but I have changed.

I look forward to adult conversation and the oiling of the cogs in my brain.  I'm not looking forward to the long hours which will result in the time I get to spend with our son being an hour a day if I'm lucky.  Actually, the thought of it fills me with dread and makes me want to run and hide.  I was hoping that I would be able to not work weekends; alas that was a dream.  The offer is alternate Saturdays and I will get an additional day off in the week.  OK, not so bad but that doesn't help me in my wanting to keep hold of precious family time - family as in the three of us, not just Munch and me.  To say I am disappointed is an understatement.  I am angry, very angry that my job does not afford me the family time I want us to have.

We will make it work somehow but I will be keeping an eye out for something that suits us better.  The work-life balance is not always easy to get right but our family is now my world and I am willing to forgo the work for a lot more life.*  Who'd have thought?

* Should we win the lottery in the mean time I will not hesitate to quit!  Should you wish to donate to my cause then let me know ; )

Remember when

Remember when the earth used to move - a lot - in the early days of your relationship?  You go through that honeymoon period as you get to know each other and then things inevitably settle down as life gets back on track.  Add to that a baby and the earth seems to get stuck on its axis as you both come to terms with the changes taking place.  There will probably be many a false start as there is nothing that puts out those flames quite so quickly as a child demanding your attention ... there are your own parents of course but that's not what I'm talking about here.

I have read and heard about the father's being patient and having needs to fulfill.  There seem to be plenty willing to share that.  It made me stop and think.  I actually haven't come across any discussion amongst mothers about theirs.  It has to be done .... *looks wistfully around and extends hand in the air*  I'm a mother, I have a nine month old son and actually I have needs too.  There I said it.  I know that in the feeling lonely, isolated, teary states,  I have many that stand with me.  Why haven't I come across a Mum saying that your sex life changes too?

Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt fat.  My hips ached through having PSD; moving became cumbersome and I didn't feel attractive, glowing or any of the things they say in the glossy magazines.  My hair never got lush and at this moment in time I am beginning to moult (it's the only word for it) as my hormones start to change again.  Post birth was not much better.  My nether regions felt like a multitude of balloon animals had taken up residence - you know what I mean to those ladies who experienced a vaginal birth.  No-one had told me that would happen and although some part of me really wanted to get a mirror to take a peek, I controlled myself and didn't.  I cannot imagine it was a pretty site to behold; not that I can be found spread-eagled inspecting my up and unders everyday I'd like to add!   Add to that the crepe-like belly, swollen ankles, bags under the eyes and general dishevelled look I was rocking, sexy and attractive was not how I felt.

The belly and swollen ankles are now gone and the hedge backwards style only makes an appearance as a one off special every so often.  You would think we'd be back in business right?  Wrong!  It gets replaced with impeccable timing by the little man or, more often than not, sheer exhaustion.  My libido is still there ticking away in the background like an unexploded bomb but life has gotten in the way.  Would I like to work my womanly charms?  Of course, but the chances of me having fallen asleep before the man of the house has even finished brushing his teeth are very, very high.  A wry smile flickers across my face as I write this - sex would be nice.  To be awake when the opportunity arises would be more helpful though!

I cannot believe for one moment that I am alone in how I feel.  Wouldn't it be nice to feel all womanly and yummy rather than frumpy?  I have had discussions about my feelings at my most vulnerable moments with complete strangers whom I've never met.  Is sex too personal a topic? 

Someone has to go first right?  I'll start.

*gulps*

"Hi, I'm Mushypea.  I'm finding it difficult to have a sex life now we have a baby.  Do you?"

*waits for the anonymous comments*

Baby-led weaning: Two months in

Do you remember me posting about baby-led weaning a couple months back?  If not, you can read it here.

Munch is eight and a half months old now and we have made adjustments and added new skills along the way.  We started baby-led weaning (BLW) when Munch hit the six month mark.  For the month and a half prior to this we had introduced him to his high chair; in part because he had gotten bored craning his neck to try and see what we were doing from his activity centre when we were eating, but also to get him used to being included at meal times.  At around five and a half months of age we started leaving him easy to grab pieces of vegetables from our meal - of course all he did was play and look at them with the odd piece reaching his mouth but other than that he did nothing with it.  We knew he swallowed some by the way they came out in his nappy.  Oh the fun I had determining the food items that had made it to his stomach.  We purposely waited until six months before going at BLW with vigour as Munch was prone to eczema - even before we started we knew we would have to be careful as he had suffered from bad bouts of nappy rash in reaction to certain foods which had passed to him through my breastmilk.

On hitting the six month mark we started with breakfast.  Fingers of toast - they found his way to his mouth and he gummed away to his delight.  From there on in BLW has become this magical journey of food discovery - Munch has this expression that he has when he tries a new food which passes as quickly as it appears and he will then quite happily take his fill.  Our eating habits were pretty good before Munch and so the adjustments we needed to make to our diet was minimal. In the first couple of weeks of BLW he did suffer from trapped wind but that passed once his digestive system had gotten the message that his diet was changing.  After two weeks on BLW, his dirty nappies changed completely much to the disgust of Sprout!

We have been very aware of the foods neither of us really ate - namely fresh tomato.  Imagine our surprise when he absolutely loved fresh tomato!  As with most adults, Sprout and I do have a few food preferences of our own but we have worked to offer these foods to Munch so that he doesn't miss discovering a new taste or texture.  Hell, I've eaten bits of hard boiled egg with a smile on my face at breakfast with him and I cannot begin to tell you how much I cannot stand them.  Maybe you think we are going to extreme but I look at some of the children we come into contact with and have noticed that they are already displaying the same attitude towards certain foods as their parents.  Sprout and I want Munch to enjoy all foods - even if they are those we don't.

We watched as he got upset and frustrated with things like rice and mince and made the decision that a preloaded spoon was the way to go for a while.  OK, at times he ends up with food all over his head and other times he will sit and open his mouth and we will feed him because he is having a lazy day.  We're not the strictest of baby-led weaners; we follow his cues so in our own way I think we are.  He has never been one to launch food off his tray even though we have a splash mat in place.  Nor does he like being cleaned up with a damp flannel after meals.  We announce that we are going to wipe his face so it's not so much of a shock but even after more than two months of this we are still met with tears! 

Meals out are a joy.  The only thing that has taken getting used to has been not having dessert.  Boy is that difficult.  A meal out is a treat in my book and I have always been one that has dessert but because we are not at the stage where we are offering them to Munch, Sprout and I agreed that we cannot have them either.  Yes, there may be fruit salad on offer but I refuse to pay for something that I can easily whip up at home.  It is doing me good but it has meant we secretly eat our treats once he is in bed for the night - so possibly not so good huh?  During the recent bout of summer sunshine we even had our first picnic together.  I was not sure what to expect as Munch has always eaten at a table but hey, no problem whatsoever.  He sat and ate without once trying to crawl away - success.

Sprout and I are used to BLW; he gags very rarely and we have learnt to trust him when he proceeds to put something in his mouth.  The hardest part I have found is when we are in the company of others - "That piece is too big", "He won't like that", "It's too spicy for babies" etc, etc, etc or even the simple act of helping put something in his hand/mouth.  I have many a time stated in my most authoritative tone that he is fine and to leave him be.  Interfering usually means he is more likely to gag or choke but try explaining that!  He eats three meals a day without it becoming a drama and I can be found trawling around the fresh fruit and veg looking for new things to offer him.

We are learning and adapting all the time.  The only thing that has beaten us thus far is how do we get the spoon back from him without a fight?  We have offered a different spoon but that normally results in Munch holding one in each hand.  Suggestions will be gratefully received!

Snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails

Gender stereotypes.  They exist all around us from the moment we are born - how do I make sure our little boy doesn't fall foul of them?

The frustration at attempting to find gender neutral clothes because we did not want to know the sex of our unborn child was unbelievable!  There was, and still is, white aplenty; walk into any store and the newborn section is awash in swathes of pink on one side and blue on the other.  Personally, I am not a fan of either shade so the gender neutral colours that you are left with are white, cream or yellow.  This colour palette is not vibrant nor fun for a child of any age is it?  Colour choices get marginally better as they grow past the newborn baby stage but even then the pink for girls and blue for boys is enough to make me want to throw myself on the ground and throw a toddler tantrum. We have a son and no, I do not want to be limited to dressing him in various shades of blue, green, brown and grey.  Do I get much of a choice? No.

And toys?  Don't even get me started.  A walk around a toy store is just as disappointing - from a female perspective, why are all the dolls, prams, kitchen and household type toys aimed towards little girls?  I, for one, can honestly say that as a child I was not interested in dolls other than to see how easily said dolls body parts would come apart.  Sheesh, I spend sufficient time as an adult carrying out the role of homemaker to make me actually want to get my son his very own household type toys so that he does not fall into that stereotypical trap of being useless on the housekeeping front.  As it stands, it will be an absolute miracle if I do not buy him a mini ironing board, vacuum cleaner etc so that he can play house with me.

This made me think about my role in being a parental stereotype.  Am I?  My mother raised all her daughters to be intelligent, strong and fiercely independent women.  She was the major bread winner in our home and my father was the male chauvinist stereotype who lifted not a finger because it was deemed to be out of his remit.  Has this experience altered my views on what my role should be?  I look at myself and question all the things that I do day to day.  What message am I/we sending our son?

I am adamant that by the time he leaves home he will be fully capable of looking after himself - a long time away it may seem but I like to be prepared.  It makes me cringe when I hear about grown men who cannot iron a shirt or know how to boil an egg - I'm sorry but there's doing everything for your children and then there's crippling them by not giving them life skills.  It is even worse than actually being able to look after yourself but choosing to sit on your laurels.  Only just mind, but that's my opinion! 

It is not only the practical skills that I want my son to learn.  I also want him to have good emotional intelligence - none of this "Big boys don't cry".  I want him to be able and feel free to express and deal with his emotions and feelings whatever they may be.  

How much will society's expectation of what a man should be play?  Am I looking to go against the very nature of being a boy?  Does anyone have the answer?  

Bittersweet

As my son's first tooth has started cutting through it has been met with excitement and sadness in equal measure.  He has grown and developed constantly over the entire eight months of his life thus far but this first tooth marks a turning point in my eyes.

His little face is about to change forever by the appearance of not one but two teeth.  His front two teeth are cutting through and in a very short while he will go from the gummy baby we adore to the start of becoming a little boy.  We have greeted each change with wonder and amazement and we look forward to more that is yet to come.  Sprout and I have set in motion the creation of a confident, playful, energetic and talkative little boy.

The past few months have seen a fast forward in developments and it has been hard keeping up.  He has gone from attempting to roll one day to mastering it the next.  He babbles non-stop from the moment he wakes yet we still have no clue as to what he is telling all and sundry.  He makes great strides in eating and is now self-weaning off the boob.  All this is great I assure you, but as he learns to do more and more himself his reliance on us decreases.  Good, great, hurrah!?

The things he needs from us, his parents, are changing.  I speak for myself when I say that I have only just grasped what he wanted from me - the amount of learning we have done is immense.  We have gone from working down the checklists of why he is crying to actually knowing what his different cries are.  Yes, we have figured when you are playing us my son!  We are proficient at reading his subtle body signals. He may try to hide his tiredness because he wants to continue playing but we are onto it.  The night feeds (yes, we are still having to do those) - I've finally managed to distinguish when it is plain habit to when he actually needs a feed.

I am currently in this happy place where I can respond automatically as I am now a master of all this baby-ness and bam!  I'm too slow on the uptake and he has gotten tired of waiting for me to catch up.  Munch pushes on with the necessary changes he must make and we have no choice but to run alongside.

There are so many moments I will miss that I am able to rub the sand that stings my eyes as I type this.  The beautiful gummy smile that greets us in a morning, the way he holds onto my fingers during the night feeds, the look he gives when he is tired of feeding himself, the way he babbles, blows raspberries and giggles at the things we do to entertain him.  Hey, I have to believe we are entertaining him otherwise he is just laughing at his Daddy and me which is understandable too!

Bittersweet because I want to bottle these moments forever yet am looking forward to all that is on the horizon.  His first word, his first step - so many, many more firsts.  We have truly enjoyed this beginning and I will miss it tremendously.

P.S. Soon after I finished this post Munch decided to surprise us further and walk pushing his walker for the very first time!  The expression on his face on realising what he was doing was magic.  Our baby is a little boy.

A matter of opinion

Opinion.  You have yours and I have mine - we may agree on some, overlap on others and heaven forbid even disagree at times.

Being a parent somehow gives everyone free reign to give you theirs on a regular basis - sometimes in a well-meaning and helpful manner and others in an 'I know best' kind of way.  We all parent in our own style - a personal mash-up of various tried and tested, as well as the not so tested,  methods that sit with our own beliefs as to what parenting should be.  Begs the question, why are some so forceful with their opinions?

The most horrifying discovery in the parenting arena for me has been when those sharing the same opinions band together and mock/belittle those that have differing ones.  From my point of view, this behaviour is tantamount to bullying.  An emotive word I know but that is how I see it I am afraid to say.

I am all for learning from others and discussing reasons as to why we are following a particular path.  That does not mean we presume to know what is best, expect anyone else to adopt our parenting choices or that our personal book on parenting is better than anyone elses.  Even in this short space of time, the thoughts that we had on parenting pre-Munch have developed and changed as we have had to adapt and evolve with each passing day.  Hell, I was very anti-dummy use until I got so desperate that I was willing to try anything, even that!  My relief when the little man refused it point blank was palpable mind.

The choices and decisions we make as to how best to bring up our child/ren come, in part, from personal experience, knowledge we get given and seek, experience of others etc etc.  Parenting is full of enough guilt about whether what we are doing is right without others adding to it by telling us our decisions are wrong/bad. 

Is it too much to ask that we all respect each other's opinions?  I, for one,  cannot presume to know what drives another parent to the difficult decisions that we all have to make.   Can you?

To be apart

When did you spend your first planned hours apart from the little person/people in your life?  I have spent less than twelve hours apart from Munch in almost seven months and the thought of it scares me somewhat.  Maybe 'scares' is not strong enough a word - how about petrified, anxious, nervous and probably a whole host of other words my brain cannot bring to the fore right now. 

You see, the plan is that this Saturday I will spend an afternoon on my own doing whatever it is I choose.  We have decided that Munch and I need to start spending time apart before we can even think about leaving him with anyone other than Daddy.  Daycare/ nursery looms so I have to do this. 

It has felt like a long time since I have been, well, just me.  I have been a Mummy from the day we got that positive test and my life became centred around doing what was best for Munch.  Who am I now?  All the activities I attend, it is not about who I am but Munch.  I watched something the other day and the mother said about feeling invisible - it struck a chord.  I am not sure I know how I fit into the big world outside of the one I have been living in for all this time.   I am not the same person I was all that time ago and yet I am. Confused?  So am I.

Small steps - it is but a few hours, it cannot be that difficult!  I have made an appointment at the hairdressers which will take all of thirty minutes as I only want a cut and blow.  What else?  Help me people, what else??  It would be very easy for me to decide and go do the food shopping and all manner of house related things but that kind of misses the point of this exercise right?  *strikes that from the list*

Lunch?  A movie?  What takes up lots of time without you realising?  How about driving around and around the M60 ring road until it gets to home time or my petrol light comes on?  There are so many things that could be done but I have no clue as to what it is I want to do.  Ooo, I need to get a pair of shoes for a wedding next month.  That's now two things on my list at least.  Throw in lunch with or without a friend as I need to eat - three things.

I know it is healthy for me to get some me time and that this will eventually lead to some Mushypea-and-Sprout-only-time in the future. So why does the prospect of a few hours apart seem so utterly daunting?

Will I be checking my phone every two minutes?  Will I make it further than ten minutes away from our front door?  Will I end up sat in my car in the middle of nowhere feeling glum?  *sighs* I can feel a panic rising from the depths - I have to able to do this otherwise how will I go on when I return to work? 

I know Munch and Sprout will be fine without me, will I without them?

How and when do you find the time to ...

Eek, my first tag in a meme thanks to Farfromhomemama of Three years, one stone then home , wondering if my routine is full of thrills and adventures.  I make no promises but some ground rules to start:

• Post the rules
• When answering the questions, please give as much detail as possible
• Leave a comment on Sex, drugs, rocker and stroller, baby so we can keep track of the meme and totally steal your routine tips to make our worlds a happier place
• Tag 3 or more people and link them to your blog

Okie doke, ready?  *deep breath* Here goes.

How and when do you find the time to ....

... do your laundry?

Pre-Munch, it was laundry day every Wednesday because that was my regular day off and every Sunday too.  Nowadays, it is more like three times a week depending on how the basket looks.  The sign that a load needs washing is when Munch runs short on coloured socks!  I try and put it on first thing whilst I am waiting for the kettle to boil for my morning mug of tea otherwise it is done before we venture out.  That way, by the time we return home the machine has finished washing and I can take it out.  On bad days wet washing has sat in the machine all day until Sprout finishes work and can take Munch off my hands.  This used to be so stressful for me as I like to get things done and finished once I start, but now?  I only get annoyed if I have missed a good drying day - yes, my life really has gotten to be that exciting!!

...write a blog post?

Only when Munch decides to take his two hour nap of an afternoon.  That is unless we have had a bad night in which case I will nap too. Evenings and weekends are avoided as those are protected family times for us and I will hold onto them for dear life.

...look after yourself?... i.e. wash your hair, paint your nails, take a bubble bath etc?

I have a shower every morning and wash my hair at the same time.  This is normally when Munch is having his morning nap or is playing happily on his own.  On his clingy days I have been known to have him playing on the bathroom floor while I shower.  The weekends are a more leisurely affair as Sprout is on hand although there is only so long you can drag out a shower.  Nail painting I have never really been into.  Bubble bath?  I am one of those strange people who cannot abide a bath - to some it is the most relaxing thing.  It stresses me out as I have to sit and do nothing.  I am not good at the doing nothing.

...spend time with your other half?

We have a few hours every evening once Munch is asleep - normally we watch some TV together and I may, or may not, fall asleep.  I appreciate these few hours immensely especially as in the early months we were lucky to get ten minutes to ourselves.  We spend weekends as a family which is a far cry from our pre-Munch period where we would go out for meals, watch a movie, night on the town etc.  I cannot imagine going back to that lifestyle but a 'just us' meal would be heavenly once we feel happy to leave Munch with someone.

...do fun stuff with your LO?

We always have planned activities at least twice a week. I have kept to this since he was six weeks old,  partly for my own sanity as well as his development.  We are currently going to baby swimming lessons (water confidence I think they call it) and baby sensory sessions both of which I would like for Munch to continue once I return to work as the activities change as he develops.  Other days are spent visiting friends/family or are just time for the two of us where everything depends on the weather right now.  He plays on his own, we play together, we read, we dance - or rather I dance and he gets whizzed around.  Sometimes I think he must think me plain crazy : )

...spend time with family?

As I am currently on maternity leave, we see my parents once a week and his paternal grandma and cousin once a week also.  Other family members are seen on a more ad hoc basis depending on their commitments.  Not sure how we will work things once I am back at work and I often wonder how other families juggle this as I will want him all to myself.

...socialise with friends?

I have become closer to friends who have babies a similar age to Munch - there is this understanding that exists about what can, or cannot, be done with a baby in tow.  Some friends have drifted apart whilst others are quite happy to pop round for a brew and a chat.  I guess with life changing events those around us either grow with us or move in a different direction.

...prepare an evening meal juggling a baby/toddler bedtime routine?

We eat around 6pm every evening.  I do not get to spend hours in the kitchen trying this or that recipe as much these days so meals have to be quick and easy or have to be left to cook.  As we are following baby-led weaning we always eat together.  The bedtime routine starts around 7.30pm and this changes for nobody as it throws Munch's entire night off. 

...deep clean your house?

The shame! We have not had a good deep clean for far too long.  I try and keep on top of the chores as much as possible but would quite happily like a cleaning fairy.  It will never happen as I am not sure I would trust someone else to clean our house the way I want it cleaning.  Control freak? Yes.

...do the food shopping?

We do a meat shop once a month and everything is frozen.  All other things are purchased on a weekly basis.  Munch and I go in a morning which can be especially fun when he decides he has had enough of sitting in the trolley and wants to be carried!  There are countless times where I have come close to just leaving without the shopping.  Once I go back to work I may contemplate having groceries delivered but I may miss the perusing far too much.

...bulk ironing?

Er, I don't.  I used to bulk iron religiously but considering I had some clothes sat in the ironing basket until recently for nigh on seven months that tells you how much time I do not seem to have.  I hate ironing as I go but right now it is something that has to happen.


So, how did I do?  Have I bored you sufficiently or made you scratch your head in wonder as to what on earth I am doing?  The one thing that strikes me is just how much I am trying to fit into my days and not actually being very successful at it!

These ladies have very different lives but are all mothers first and foremost.  How do you find the time? 

She Be Fierce
My Crazy 4
The Moiderer
Asperger Mommy
Moonflower and Mummy

WTF - Where's the food?

It's true! WTF should really be the acronym for "Where's the food?" - much of my life revolves around food in some way.  Other than the oral pleasure that is eating there is the making of it too.  Okay, so sometimes I will give the whole flying by the seat of your pants cooking a go but I'm not that inventive nor intuitive in the main so I like following recipes.  I may follow the recipe but tweak the ingredients which usually means adding less fat or sugar - don't get me wrong, I like food but not to the point where I am willing to damage my health to epic proportions on a regular basis.  You know what I'm referring to.  It's those recipes where the list of ingredients is like your own DIY coronary in one meal!

So, I love my food, have I said that already?  Hence I am very fortunate that the man that is Sprout also loves food as much as I.  I hope that our little boy will come to share this love of ours.

We are following baby-led weaning which makes the most sense to me.  Why would we want him to eat something we wouldn't?  No drama is involved in getting Munch to eat .  Mealtimes are a family affair and with each day Munch amazes me as to just how far he has come.  The panic that came at the beginning watching him gag has subsided and he rarely does this now.  It takes some doing to trust him and not jump in when he attempts to stuff his mouth full of food I can tell you!  He sits at our table and eats what we eat.  He knows it is time for food as soon as we put him in his chair.  He waits for his portion to be put in front of him when we are all sat. You can see the cogs turning as he thinks about how he is going to tackle a certain piece of food.  It is a joy to watch and even the mess it creates is fun to see.

We have stayed away from the fruit thus far apart from the raisins, or are they currants, in a hot cross bun.  *mental note to self find out the difference between raisins, currants and sultanas!*  From his first roast dinner to his first curry he has taken to them with the same enthusiasm.

Do I advocate BLW? 100% yes.  To enjoy food is about discovering new flavours and textures even for me as an adult, so small he may be but I know our little man is already on his merry way to taking after one Mushypea and a Sprout.

Healthy competition

I know, I know! We are told to not compare our children as they all develop at their own pace and in differing ways.  Truth be told, we do don't we?  I'll wave my hand in the air and admit that I do - maybe not outwardly so but I do nonetheless.

Munch and I go to a sensory group where there is singing, signing, music and a whole host of other activities that keep us entertained for a full sixty minutes.  The first time he sat on his own solidly was at this group.  Cue utter amazement from yours truly and a proud mummy moment added to the list.  I digress.

The other week another mum, who had not been to group with her son for a couple of weeks, noticed Munch sitting.  She commented on how the last time she saw him he was not sitting on his own.  Then she asked about eating.  Her little boy had not quite mastered the art of putting food in his own mouth yet with the whole baby-led weaning whereas Munch had.  It is when conversations go this way that I wonder what good it does asking.

I admit I look to see what other children of a similar age can do to see what is possible.  We all parent differently which bring out different skills in our offspring.  That does not mean to say that I am upset if Munch is not doing something that others can.  It only makes me want to encourage him to develop those said skills so that we do not miss it through oversight on our part.

From that incident I have looked back at my own childhood.  The earliest memory I have of being competitive comes from when I was around seven years of age.  There were these books - the gold books - which were kept next to the headmistress' office.  You were only allowed to choose from these books if you had read all the other books available in class.  My best friend at the time was reading these and I wanted to also.  And so it began. A switch got turned to on in my head somewhere and in my final year at the age of twelve I won every school prize going bar sport and music.  Yes, I was that child.

I am competitive by nature - it makes tasks and activities more palatable for me.  Hell, even if there is no competition I will set one in my head to push myself - it is nice to win but the drive it creates in me is addictive! 

Competition can be healthy and be a great motivational tool but there always come a point where you realise that there is always someone better and it hits you with a thud.  For our little boy there is only one thing I ask - to be the best that he can be no matter what that may be.

* goes to discover how not to be an overbearingly pushy mother*

I can and I will

Before your child was born did you have a mental list of the many things you would like to do with them?

The only thing I had in my mind before his birth was that I wanted him to have what I term a proper childhood.  One filled with happy memories of times spent doing the simplest things as a family be it jumping in puddles to camping in the garden.

With his birth came the realisation that in order to achieve this rich and varied family life I would need to learn some new skills myself.  Hark -  a challenge no less!  What would our son be interested in?  I don't know everything about everything and I never trust those that believe they do.  There are many a thing I cannot do - the list is endless.  There is the riding a bike (I did do once but I rode into a lady on that first attempt. She promptly tore me down verbally and so I haven't been on one since!), chess, all manner of sport related things and that is just for starters.

I am wanting to be able to participate and support Munch to the point where I am quite willing to do whatever it takes.  I, personally, may not have an ounce of interest in something but I am willing to learn with him.  Given time I may even enjoy the things I am not keen on right now.

Maybe you read this and think I am being unrealistic.  I know there will be things that I just cannot grasp - the thought of encouraging him to be creative scares the bejeezus out of me.  Neither Sprout nor I are creative types you see.  That hasn't stopped me from pinning all things creative on Pinterest for future use though!

I am all for trying our utmost to forge great memories in the hope that we leave our son with the knowledge that we gave him time - our time.   Of all the moments in my life where I need to remember the phrase "I can and I will" it is now and, in my mind, always.

Now we are six

OK, so there are not six chez moi - rather that we are about to hit the six month mark since our rainbow boy was born.  On the one hand it feels a lot longer and on the other time has run away with itself and had a jolly good time doing it!

We, aka Mushypea and Sprout ( I'll share that tale with you anon), have gone through the steep learning curve that is the introduction to parenthood and are fighting strong.  There have been moments, I might add, where we have both beaten our respective chests and squared off but we are learning to be a three and are adjusting as things progress.

I am currently preparing myself for the work that I need to put in to make the transition, for our little Munch, from being with mum almost 24/7 to going to nursery when I return to work as smooth as possible.  It is an exciting time as we are into the throws of baby-led weaning, about to start 'swimming' lessons, on the verge of crawling and constantly grasping new skills albeit I'm not sure if raspberry blowing is considered a skill but I celebrate these steps regardless.

It is with great trepidation that I look towards my return to my previous day job.  I'm not the first mother to have to do this and by no means will I be the last.  The little moments that I will miss and the little snippets of time that I will have on a daily basis tug on those heart strings like I never imagined and I'm not even back at work yet!!  How did I develop this dependency on my little partner in crime?  We have spent less than twenty-four hours apart in these past six months so it is to be expected I guess.  It will bother me more than it will Munch but I keep my head firmly screwed and remind myself of all the benefits it will bestow on us.  It's either that or I've come to the conclusion I'd tell them to stick the job and be a full time stay at home mum and that option isn't realistic/healthy for us at all.

I have gone through all manner of emotions these past six months - good and the not so good.  The one that stands out is just how much unbridled joy such a little person can bring.  My little bubble that is our family makes me want to burst with happiness and if there is a heaven on earth I am lucky enough to be living it.  This is my heaven - my family.