Pushing forwards

I waved goodbye to 2012 with great gusto.  It was a year that taught me much about myself but also much about those around me.  There were times where I could not see further than the three hour blocks of a newborn, there were others where being tired took on a whole new meaning.  These are now replaced by looking forward to the times when Munch has a nap and to those where he exhibits his pure brilliance in comic timing at the tender age of fifteen months.  He has a talent I'm telling you!

We start 2013 with the knowledge that we have a wedding to finish planning. I am currently very grateful that my vision of Munch walking me down the aisle is set to become reality as he is a steady little soul on his feet right now.  The only doubt is whether it is going to be walking or dragging of Mummy dearest down the aisle - mental note to self, maybe heels will not be a good idea!  That and whether he will spend it waving and saying hello to everyone that we pass on our way. 

Am I going to diet at all? No idea. I never really have and am not sure I possess the will power when it comes to food. I would much rather put myself in a dress that fits than try and get myself to fit into one in all honesty.  I'm testing the whole Sprout will love me regardless of whether I look like the back end of a bus or not theory.  Maybe I will miraculously turn into the perfect hourglass using some spandex wonder undergarment instead.  For me, it's not about my dress but about the two of us and sharing that with our family and closest friends.

Munch has now mastered the 'Hello' in addition to 'Hiya'.  We got a 'please' once but more often than not it is 'peese' and he can sign it - it's very similar to blowing a kiss mind.   With the mountain of new toys that arrived in the form of Christmas presents came new storage ideas and our newest game which has become our firm favourite - yes, you've guessed it. Gold star to you in the middle! Yes, the tidy up game.  We have gone from taking turns in putting toys away to Munch surprising us and becoming grand master at it by 2013.  I thought I mastered new things quickly but by jove he puts me to shame.   He's showing us that he understands the order of certain events and the whole bedtime routine is now even easier.  Munch will pull his socks off and once he's naked he will put his clothes in the wash basket and then totter off towards the bathroom squealing with delight.  It's as though another switch inside that brain of his has been tripped and there's a whole new world of learning. 

He leaves us open mouthed many a time with the things that he shows us.  One of his favourite books is 'Incy, Wincy spider'; it plays the tune and has buttons that make different sounds and he'll pick it off his shelf and get us to sing it over and over.  The other day we had been singing it quite a few times and I said to him, " Bring Mummy the Wheels on the Bus book please".  We'd never asked him but up he got and walked to the bookshelf.  Sprout's expression said it all. Munch had got the actual book and was coming back with it. Wow, just wow!  We've always been amazed at the rate at which he learns but recently it's gone into a higher gear and we're in constant awe.  In our eyes Munch is a genius of a little boy.

He will dribble a ball across the room much to his father's delight.  I know little about football but apparently he is a natural Sprout keeps telling me.  I was far more impressed when nursery told us that he'd been helping tidy up and wanting to vacuum. Munch doesn't express a preference for specific toys; some days it is books, others fire engines and cars but he seems to have the most fun with DVDs, remote controls, Daddy's phone, a balloon and the laundry baskets.  Who needs toys?

2012 taught me that my perspective on life had shifted.  My head is in a stronger place and my answer to something I caught on television the other day - "What do you want your children to inherit?"

My response? "A passion for life."

May 2013 bring us all a wealth of smiles and memories. Thanks for reading!

Fourteen months

Life seems to have taken over and run away with itself these past few months although I do wonder whether that is just me making excuses as to my lack of blogging.  Time becomes increasingly precious and it is such a fine balancing act that some things have been neglected completely.  This, I assure you, has not been for lack of subject matter that I have wanted to write about but more due to my dire time management skills it seems.

Munch is now fourteen months old and he becomes this ever more forceful presence in our lives as his personality and sense of self develops.  Yes, gone is the babe in arms, gone is the being that listened when you called his name or said no - instead we have this loving, playful little boy that tests those invisible boundaries every day in the name of learning and discovery.  I have gone from the stay at home mum to the full timer that snatches precious minutes with her son and wanting to make the most of all days off.  My reality is that every so often I am praying for the return to work for the break; at work I can operate on auto-pilot and there is a rhythm that sits well with my personality. 

Since starting nursery Munch has been subjected to the sharing that is childhood illness. It was expected but it has seemed an endless cycle of colds, coughs and then there was the vomiting bug that struck and which he kindly shared with me and Sprout.  Our first family illness - hurrah!  It was awful, truly awful; being a parent cannot stop when you yourself are ill regardless of how sorrowful you may be feeling.  I don't want to have that shared experience ever again if possible.  Munch's illness has always taken hold on my days off which has meant they have been spent with a cranky little boy.  Throw into the mix the teething that is neverending and it has taken its toll on my patience - only the other week I turned to Sprout and told him I was seriously reconsidering reducing my hours next year.  I know it's a phase that his developing body is going through but it upset me so much that he was always fine when going to nursery but not when we were off together. I remind myself it's not always going to be rosy!

I am afraid to have to admit that I often question whether I could ever be a full time stay at home mum.  Sometimes the run of three consecutive days off work makes me want to cry as I realise that I do not have the patience, energy or know how as to how the stay at home parents manage the role 24/7.  Personally, I function better as a mother and person having that break away from Munch - does that make me a bad mother?  I feel as though my mothering qualities are not all there because of this but I know I would be hanging by a thread if things were different.

We had the excitement of going to get Munch's first shoes. That first visit ended with no shoes as his feet were not big enough!  Fast forward another few weeks and we handed over our hard earned money for the tiny shoes to be advised that he would need his feet measuring in another six to eight weeks. What?  No wonder it costs however many thousands to bring up a child is all I can say!  He now toddles about in the house and at nursery without hesitating; try putting him on his feet outside and he reverts back to the trusty crawl at the hint of danger - this is a work in progress indeed.

He is attempting to copy words we say now.  His vocabulary is growing in fits and starts but we are very proud that he has mastered "Ta"; manners maketh the man and all that.  He has dad, daddy, mama, duck, fish, shoes, sock, toes, toast, hiya, tickle, who's that, what's that and yes so far.  Munch babbles away and picks up different sounds all the times but is less than impressed with our understanding so Mummy and Daddy have some catching up to do.  It has been truly amazing how he learns and we constantly wonder how on earth the children of the world do it.  If I was to learn all the things they have to as an adult you would find me hiding under the covers in bed throwing a tantrum!

He giggles at the strangest things - the words mushroom and penguins no less.  I have no explanation but maybe he'll explain it to me one day.  We went through a period of Munch hating his bath times which lasted a couple of weeks and now we are back to him having fun in it. So much fun that he scoots to the farthest side away from us when it's time to get out!  He kicks his legs, tries to drink the water and stomps on the spot with a huge grin on his face.  It is a grin that is slowly filling with those pearly whites, he has four top and bottom now and my fingers have gone nowhere in that mouth for fear of having my fingers bitten off.  It is still safe to pop a finger down the side to check for molars but not for much longer I think.

Fourteen months our precious little boy has been in our home and what a journey it has been.  As Christmas approaches it is the family time we get to spend that is appealing. Am I ready?  Shhhh, I haven't even got one present yet and am in denial right now.  What have/haven't I done?

Until next time. Thank you for reading my waffle!

Remember when

Remember when the earth used to move - a lot - in the early days of your relationship?  You go through that honeymoon period as you get to know each other and then things inevitably settle down as life gets back on track.  Add to that a baby and the earth seems to get stuck on its axis as you both come to terms with the changes taking place.  There will probably be many a false start as there is nothing that puts out those flames quite so quickly as a child demanding your attention ... there are your own parents of course but that's not what I'm talking about here.

I have read and heard about the father's being patient and having needs to fulfill.  There seem to be plenty willing to share that.  It made me stop and think.  I actually haven't come across any discussion amongst mothers about theirs.  It has to be done .... *looks wistfully around and extends hand in the air*  I'm a mother, I have a nine month old son and actually I have needs too.  There I said it.  I know that in the feeling lonely, isolated, teary states,  I have many that stand with me.  Why haven't I come across a Mum saying that your sex life changes too?

Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt fat.  My hips ached through having PSD; moving became cumbersome and I didn't feel attractive, glowing or any of the things they say in the glossy magazines.  My hair never got lush and at this moment in time I am beginning to moult (it's the only word for it) as my hormones start to change again.  Post birth was not much better.  My nether regions felt like a multitude of balloon animals had taken up residence - you know what I mean to those ladies who experienced a vaginal birth.  No-one had told me that would happen and although some part of me really wanted to get a mirror to take a peek, I controlled myself and didn't.  I cannot imagine it was a pretty site to behold; not that I can be found spread-eagled inspecting my up and unders everyday I'd like to add!   Add to that the crepe-like belly, swollen ankles, bags under the eyes and general dishevelled look I was rocking, sexy and attractive was not how I felt.

The belly and swollen ankles are now gone and the hedge backwards style only makes an appearance as a one off special every so often.  You would think we'd be back in business right?  Wrong!  It gets replaced with impeccable timing by the little man or, more often than not, sheer exhaustion.  My libido is still there ticking away in the background like an unexploded bomb but life has gotten in the way.  Would I like to work my womanly charms?  Of course, but the chances of me having fallen asleep before the man of the house has even finished brushing his teeth are very, very high.  A wry smile flickers across my face as I write this - sex would be nice.  To be awake when the opportunity arises would be more helpful though!

I cannot believe for one moment that I am alone in how I feel.  Wouldn't it be nice to feel all womanly and yummy rather than frumpy?  I have had discussions about my feelings at my most vulnerable moments with complete strangers whom I've never met.  Is sex too personal a topic? 

Someone has to go first right?  I'll start.

*gulps*

"Hi, I'm Mushypea.  I'm finding it difficult to have a sex life now we have a baby.  Do you?"

*waits for the anonymous comments*

Baby-led weaning: Two months in

Do you remember me posting about baby-led weaning a couple months back?  If not, you can read it here.

Munch is eight and a half months old now and we have made adjustments and added new skills along the way.  We started baby-led weaning (BLW) when Munch hit the six month mark.  For the month and a half prior to this we had introduced him to his high chair; in part because he had gotten bored craning his neck to try and see what we were doing from his activity centre when we were eating, but also to get him used to being included at meal times.  At around five and a half months of age we started leaving him easy to grab pieces of vegetables from our meal - of course all he did was play and look at them with the odd piece reaching his mouth but other than that he did nothing with it.  We knew he swallowed some by the way they came out in his nappy.  Oh the fun I had determining the food items that had made it to his stomach.  We purposely waited until six months before going at BLW with vigour as Munch was prone to eczema - even before we started we knew we would have to be careful as he had suffered from bad bouts of nappy rash in reaction to certain foods which had passed to him through my breastmilk.

On hitting the six month mark we started with breakfast.  Fingers of toast - they found his way to his mouth and he gummed away to his delight.  From there on in BLW has become this magical journey of food discovery - Munch has this expression that he has when he tries a new food which passes as quickly as it appears and he will then quite happily take his fill.  Our eating habits were pretty good before Munch and so the adjustments we needed to make to our diet was minimal. In the first couple of weeks of BLW he did suffer from trapped wind but that passed once his digestive system had gotten the message that his diet was changing.  After two weeks on BLW, his dirty nappies changed completely much to the disgust of Sprout!

We have been very aware of the foods neither of us really ate - namely fresh tomato.  Imagine our surprise when he absolutely loved fresh tomato!  As with most adults, Sprout and I do have a few food preferences of our own but we have worked to offer these foods to Munch so that he doesn't miss discovering a new taste or texture.  Hell, I've eaten bits of hard boiled egg with a smile on my face at breakfast with him and I cannot begin to tell you how much I cannot stand them.  Maybe you think we are going to extreme but I look at some of the children we come into contact with and have noticed that they are already displaying the same attitude towards certain foods as their parents.  Sprout and I want Munch to enjoy all foods - even if they are those we don't.

We watched as he got upset and frustrated with things like rice and mince and made the decision that a preloaded spoon was the way to go for a while.  OK, at times he ends up with food all over his head and other times he will sit and open his mouth and we will feed him because he is having a lazy day.  We're not the strictest of baby-led weaners; we follow his cues so in our own way I think we are.  He has never been one to launch food off his tray even though we have a splash mat in place.  Nor does he like being cleaned up with a damp flannel after meals.  We announce that we are going to wipe his face so it's not so much of a shock but even after more than two months of this we are still met with tears! 

Meals out are a joy.  The only thing that has taken getting used to has been not having dessert.  Boy is that difficult.  A meal out is a treat in my book and I have always been one that has dessert but because we are not at the stage where we are offering them to Munch, Sprout and I agreed that we cannot have them either.  Yes, there may be fruit salad on offer but I refuse to pay for something that I can easily whip up at home.  It is doing me good but it has meant we secretly eat our treats once he is in bed for the night - so possibly not so good huh?  During the recent bout of summer sunshine we even had our first picnic together.  I was not sure what to expect as Munch has always eaten at a table but hey, no problem whatsoever.  He sat and ate without once trying to crawl away - success.

Sprout and I are used to BLW; he gags very rarely and we have learnt to trust him when he proceeds to put something in his mouth.  The hardest part I have found is when we are in the company of others - "That piece is too big", "He won't like that", "It's too spicy for babies" etc, etc, etc or even the simple act of helping put something in his hand/mouth.  I have many a time stated in my most authoritative tone that he is fine and to leave him be.  Interfering usually means he is more likely to gag or choke but try explaining that!  He eats three meals a day without it becoming a drama and I can be found trawling around the fresh fruit and veg looking for new things to offer him.

We are learning and adapting all the time.  The only thing that has beaten us thus far is how do we get the spoon back from him without a fight?  We have offered a different spoon but that normally results in Munch holding one in each hand.  Suggestions will be gratefully received!

Snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails

Gender stereotypes.  They exist all around us from the moment we are born - how do I make sure our little boy doesn't fall foul of them?

The frustration at attempting to find gender neutral clothes because we did not want to know the sex of our unborn child was unbelievable!  There was, and still is, white aplenty; walk into any store and the newborn section is awash in swathes of pink on one side and blue on the other.  Personally, I am not a fan of either shade so the gender neutral colours that you are left with are white, cream or yellow.  This colour palette is not vibrant nor fun for a child of any age is it?  Colour choices get marginally better as they grow past the newborn baby stage but even then the pink for girls and blue for boys is enough to make me want to throw myself on the ground and throw a toddler tantrum. We have a son and no, I do not want to be limited to dressing him in various shades of blue, green, brown and grey.  Do I get much of a choice? No.

And toys?  Don't even get me started.  A walk around a toy store is just as disappointing - from a female perspective, why are all the dolls, prams, kitchen and household type toys aimed towards little girls?  I, for one, can honestly say that as a child I was not interested in dolls other than to see how easily said dolls body parts would come apart.  Sheesh, I spend sufficient time as an adult carrying out the role of homemaker to make me actually want to get my son his very own household type toys so that he does not fall into that stereotypical trap of being useless on the housekeeping front.  As it stands, it will be an absolute miracle if I do not buy him a mini ironing board, vacuum cleaner etc so that he can play house with me.

This made me think about my role in being a parental stereotype.  Am I?  My mother raised all her daughters to be intelligent, strong and fiercely independent women.  She was the major bread winner in our home and my father was the male chauvinist stereotype who lifted not a finger because it was deemed to be out of his remit.  Has this experience altered my views on what my role should be?  I look at myself and question all the things that I do day to day.  What message am I/we sending our son?

I am adamant that by the time he leaves home he will be fully capable of looking after himself - a long time away it may seem but I like to be prepared.  It makes me cringe when I hear about grown men who cannot iron a shirt or know how to boil an egg - I'm sorry but there's doing everything for your children and then there's crippling them by not giving them life skills.  It is even worse than actually being able to look after yourself but choosing to sit on your laurels.  Only just mind, but that's my opinion! 

It is not only the practical skills that I want my son to learn.  I also want him to have good emotional intelligence - none of this "Big boys don't cry".  I want him to be able and feel free to express and deal with his emotions and feelings whatever they may be.  

How much will society's expectation of what a man should be play?  Am I looking to go against the very nature of being a boy?  Does anyone have the answer?  

Bittersweet

As my son's first tooth has started cutting through it has been met with excitement and sadness in equal measure.  He has grown and developed constantly over the entire eight months of his life thus far but this first tooth marks a turning point in my eyes.

His little face is about to change forever by the appearance of not one but two teeth.  His front two teeth are cutting through and in a very short while he will go from the gummy baby we adore to the start of becoming a little boy.  We have greeted each change with wonder and amazement and we look forward to more that is yet to come.  Sprout and I have set in motion the creation of a confident, playful, energetic and talkative little boy.

The past few months have seen a fast forward in developments and it has been hard keeping up.  He has gone from attempting to roll one day to mastering it the next.  He babbles non-stop from the moment he wakes yet we still have no clue as to what he is telling all and sundry.  He makes great strides in eating and is now self-weaning off the boob.  All this is great I assure you, but as he learns to do more and more himself his reliance on us decreases.  Good, great, hurrah!?

The things he needs from us, his parents, are changing.  I speak for myself when I say that I have only just grasped what he wanted from me - the amount of learning we have done is immense.  We have gone from working down the checklists of why he is crying to actually knowing what his different cries are.  Yes, we have figured when you are playing us my son!  We are proficient at reading his subtle body signals. He may try to hide his tiredness because he wants to continue playing but we are onto it.  The night feeds (yes, we are still having to do those) - I've finally managed to distinguish when it is plain habit to when he actually needs a feed.

I am currently in this happy place where I can respond automatically as I am now a master of all this baby-ness and bam!  I'm too slow on the uptake and he has gotten tired of waiting for me to catch up.  Munch pushes on with the necessary changes he must make and we have no choice but to run alongside.

There are so many moments I will miss that I am able to rub the sand that stings my eyes as I type this.  The beautiful gummy smile that greets us in a morning, the way he holds onto my fingers during the night feeds, the look he gives when he is tired of feeding himself, the way he babbles, blows raspberries and giggles at the things we do to entertain him.  Hey, I have to believe we are entertaining him otherwise he is just laughing at his Daddy and me which is understandable too!

Bittersweet because I want to bottle these moments forever yet am looking forward to all that is on the horizon.  His first word, his first step - so many, many more firsts.  We have truly enjoyed this beginning and I will miss it tremendously.

P.S. Soon after I finished this post Munch decided to surprise us further and walk pushing his walker for the very first time!  The expression on his face on realising what he was doing was magic.  Our baby is a little boy.

Play factore

A reply to a tweet by @TiredmummyofTwo asking for any bloggers wanting something to do today resulted in our visit to Play Factore near the Trafford Centre, Manchester.

Play Factore is an indoor adventure playground suitable for children between 0 - 12 years of age, although myself and Sprout would quite happily have had a go on everything if we were able!  We arrived and the first thing that hits you on entry to the site is the sheer scale of the place.  As you wait in line you are faced with the play frame which is over 15m in height and the astra slide which is 40m in length.  It was a crying shame Munch is only 8 months old but we could both imagine him having a great time playing on that when he is old enough.  So, we get to the front of the queue after waiting in line twenty minutes and I tell the attendant that we are on the guest list. The first time I have ever had to tell a stranger that I am Mushypea - kudos to her that she didn't raise an eyebrow or snigger - not even a brief flash of "huh" fell across her face!

We pass through the entrance barriers and there is a sea of tables and chairs for parents to sit and wait whilst their beloved children run off a lot of steam and of course where lunch can be eaten.  We made our way to the toddler area on the right.  I regularly go to a soft play centre locally and I have to say the the one they provide here is excellent.  The area is gated and full of different activities for your little ones.  There is a climbing frame with two slides of different heights and has been well thought out in that at toddler age chances are the parents will also need to limber up and through the tunnels etc without fear of getting stuck.  It was lovely for us to be able to sit Munch on our laps and take him down the higher of the slides.

There was a car track area with Little Tikes Cozy coupes - Sprout spotted these and Munch was put into one shortly after.  He shows a propensity to drive like his father already; one hand on the steering wheel and the other with his elbow propped on the door.  Munch loves ride-on toys so this area was a hit.

There was an area for younger children filled with soft cubes and seesaws, there were soft handhold ledges where Munch was able to pull himself up to stand and he loved the big mirrors at one end.  Apologies to the person that cleans that by the way - yes, those slobbery hand prints are our sons!

You have to remember that this place is filled with excited children of all ages so there was plenty of joyous screaming, laughing and chattering in the air as well as the music that they have playing in the background.  At 8 months old there comes a point where they hit stimulation overload - you know what I am talking about here - that moment in time where they need a time out and wind down otherwise big trouble is around the corner.  Play Factore has demonstrated that it understands this by providing a sensory area.  The area is closed off and small enough that there cannot be too many children in there.  There was a bubble tube, various light boxes, mirrors and a sensory board.  Munch was totally mesmorised by the bubble tube and couldn't stop hugging it!

Considering we were there with Munch there was plenty that he could do especially when you consider he cannot walk yet.  Once he is, I am sure he will love it even more; give it a good few years after that and he will be up on that play frame and down the astra slide with no stopping.  The prices for entry (accompanying adults need to pay) and refreshments, the waiting time and queues to get in  and for food were the only things that would make this place a treat rather than a regular place to visit. Those aside, Play Factore is well maintained, clean and light which is good considering the place only opened in Easter 2012.  We had a great time and look forward to going again. 

I was born at the wrong time - I wish I was 10 again so I could play too!