Words - we write them, read them and speak them. We use them having given much thought and conversely, with no thought whatsoever. Since becoming a fully fledged Mum with the arrival of Munch I have probably taken many to heart. I don't know what it is but there have been words thrown in my direction that have either opened the flood gates or really got my defenses up.
"It's not about you."
"Why don't you give formula?"
"You're making a mistake and you'll change your mind."
"I'm so tired."
"Why don't you do ..... , you have time."
"I go to work."
There are many more that I could add and have been said by all manner of those around me. I swallow my own words as the torrent of verbal abuse that runs through my brain in the split second that follows is unreal. If unleashed I know they would cut to the core and I am not one that likes to be hot headed when it comes to using my words, for once they venture forth from my mouth there is no way I can ever take them back and living with regret is not something I like to do.
It often makes me wonder whether people think before they speak. We all have heat of the moment reactions and Sprout has always said that the words spoken in those moments hold some truth to them. If this is true, then in my case I don't think much of those around me. My first reactions are always extreme; my first reactions are always cutting my nose off to spite my face; my first reactions are always viscous, below the belt and I would be an utter bitch in the things I would say. I know this about myself and stop. I like to have time to calm down, re-evaluate the situation and think - this usually manifests itself in complete silence on my part, not helpful I know but for me it's better than the alternative.
Words can hurt and leave scars on us all. I remember the phrases above because they hurt at the time. They hurt because they showed little thought; little understanding; little compassion; little sensitivity; little tact and little diplomacy. I am not faultless when it comes to using words. I am poor in communicating my deepest feelings and often wonder if it is because I am afraid of the reaction once I put them out there. Maybe I am overly sensitive as a new Mum seeing as my self confidence has taken a dive. Do all Mums take comments as personal slights? I need to toughen up and
probably tell people to shut up and back off; maybe I need to stop thinking before I speak!