Remember when the earth used to move - a lot - in the early days of your relationship? You go through that honeymoon period as you get to know each other and then things inevitably settle down as life gets back on track. Add to that a baby and the earth seems to get stuck on its axis as you both come to terms with the changes taking place. There will probably be many a false start as there is nothing that puts out those flames quite so quickly as a child demanding your attention ... there are your own parents of course but that's not what I'm talking about here.
I have read and heard about the father's being patient and having needs to fulfill. There seem to be plenty willing to share that. It made me stop and think. I actually haven't come across any discussion amongst mothers about theirs. It has to be done .... *looks wistfully around and extends hand in the air* I'm a mother, I have a nine month old son and actually I have needs too. There I said it. I know that in the feeling lonely, isolated, teary states, I have many that stand with me. Why haven't I come across a Mum saying that your sex life changes too?
Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt fat. My hips ached through having PSD; moving became cumbersome and I didn't feel attractive, glowing or any of the things they say in the glossy magazines. My hair never got lush and at this moment in time I am beginning to moult (it's the only word for it) as my hormones start to change again. Post birth was not much better. My nether regions felt like a multitude of balloon animals had taken up residence - you know what I mean to those ladies who experienced a vaginal birth. No-one had told me that would happen and although some part of me really wanted to get a mirror to take a peek, I controlled myself and didn't. I cannot imagine it was a pretty site to behold; not that I can be found spread-eagled inspecting my up and unders everyday I'd like to add! Add to that the crepe-like belly, swollen ankles, bags under the eyes and general dishevelled look I was rocking, sexy and attractive was not how I felt.
The belly and swollen ankles are now gone and the hedge backwards style only makes an appearance as a one off special every so often. You would think we'd be back in business right? Wrong! It gets replaced with impeccable timing by the little man or, more often than not, sheer exhaustion. My libido is still there ticking away in the background like an unexploded bomb but life has gotten in the way. Would I like to work my womanly charms? Of course, but the chances of me having fallen asleep before the man of the house has even finished brushing his teeth are very, very high. A wry smile flickers across my face as I write this - sex would be nice. To be awake when the opportunity arises would be more helpful though!
I cannot believe for one moment that I am alone in how I feel. Wouldn't it be nice to feel all womanly and yummy rather than frumpy? I have had discussions about my feelings at my most vulnerable moments with complete strangers whom I've never met. Is sex too personal a topic?
Someone has to go first right? I'll start.
"Hi, I'm Mushypea. I'm finding it difficult to have a sex life now we have a baby. Do you?"
*waits for the anonymous comments*