As I sit and write this post, I am faced with four weeks before my phasing back to full-time work begins. The realisation that I really will be going back has finally hit me and I am trying hard not to panic and keep upbeat. I look at Munch and know in my heart that he is now craving the interaction of other children. I see it in his beautiful face every time there are children in our vicinity. He is ready to become a little more independent and make his first steps into the big wide world of others. I do not think I am wrong when I say I think he will adapt to the changes better than I. I spent a morning sorting things out for my return to work and it all felt wrong within thirty minutes. I have missed being me yet it was alien and didn't quite sit right on my shoulders. I didn't think it would be that way. I had convinced myself I would easily switch back to the old me in work mode but I have changed.
I look forward to adult conversation and the oiling of the cogs in my brain. I'm not looking forward to the long hours which will result in the time I get to spend with our son being an hour a day if I'm lucky. Actually, the thought of it fills me with dread and makes me want to run and hide. I was hoping that I would be able to not work weekends; alas that was a dream. The offer is alternate Saturdays and I will get an additional day off in the week. OK, not so bad but that doesn't help me in my wanting to keep hold of precious family time - family as in the three of us, not just Munch and me. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. I am angry, very angry that my job does not afford me the family time I want us to have.
We will make it work somehow but I will be keeping an eye out for something that suits us better. The work-life balance is not always easy to get right but our family is now my world and I am willing to forgo the work for a lot more life.* Who'd have thought?
* Should we win the lottery in the mean time I will not hesitate to quit! Should you wish to donate to my cause then let me know ; )
