> Mushypea, Sprout et al: To be a gentleman

Monday 6 August 2012

To be a gentleman

For those of you who have read a few of my posts, you may have noticed that I am a worrier.  Being a parent has made me worry more so as I do not want to screw up; I will never be perfect but I try to do my best to give our son the well rounded upbringing that I think is vital to help him succeed in whatever he chooses to do.

I read an article today on raising gentlemen and I agreed with all the qualities the author lists as what they see a gentleman to be in their home.  Towards the end of her article she discusses how she is going to raise her boys to be gentlemen.  The one that has made me write this post is her first point:

"Set a positive example. My boys are fortunate to have a gentleman for a father, but it also means surrounding them with positive male role models. They see their grandfather, uncles, and dear friends as examples of how to live with integrity."


I am sat here thinking and thinking about positive male role models that exist in our son's life.  Men that we come into contact with that we consider to live their lives honestly and with integrity.  Other than Sprout there are very few males in our lives that I want my son to look up to; I can count the many positive male role models we know on one hand!  I look at the males in Munch's life and think to myself, do I want our son to grow up and be like you?  This of course also applies to the females in case you were wondering.

I know that he will come into contact with many people of differing types and that we cannot have 100% control of that.  Some, he will be subjected to because ... well, because they are family and how do you rock that boat?  I cannot stop all contact with some individuals despite the increasing uneasiness I feel as he grows and develops.  How do you ask someone to stop being who they are because you do not want that type of attitude and negativity aimed at and around your child?  I have no idea where I would start that conversation so the option that I am happy with is to limit our son's exposure to it.

So, to start on this journey to raising a gentleman we'll start with two things - honesty and manners.  They cost nothing yet can prove hard to find at times; those are the building blocks we'll start with.  We can only make sure we put the groundwork in but as the quote says, " ...being a gentleman is a matter of choice."  In years to come that choice will be Munch's - we, his parents, will have to wait and see.


10 comments:

  1. Very interesting. I too think it's important for my son to have positive male role models. His father is brilliant in that regard but we need to make an effort to spend time with extended family, now that we've moved. I would hope we can address effects of any negative influences as we go along. That's the theory, anyway!

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    1. I find it hard when it comes to addressing the negative influences when the reaction is that whatever is said gets ignored. So, we limit contact instead. Minefield this parenting lark!

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  2. Great post.
    I always strive to be a positive male role model to my children. My son is very similar to me in lots of ways. Thoughtful, a little shy at times, but says please and thank you and understands when people are upset. Sadly we have a small family and there aren't any others that my children will meet. Both his grandfathers are dead and he has no uncles. The others he will come across are friends, and fathers of other children he meets, and my hope is that they have the same values so that he sees this across the board.

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    1. I always strive to be better which in itself is a positive and a negative attribute that I possess. Since our son was born this has grown exponentially; he makes me want to be the best person I can be and I am my own worst critic I know. We too want him to be surrounded by people that hold the same values as ours - I am coming to the conclusion I need to associate with different people - maybe that's a bit extreme?

      Thanks for reading and taking time to comment!

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  3. Most of the qualities I have as a man I learnt from my Mum. I didn't have a father figure in my life when I was growing up so she was responsible for instilling the majority of moral values I still have now. My son is 3 months old and I always want to a positive influence on his life but his Mamma will play an equal role in his development as a gentleman. I really don't think you need to worry too much about the range of positive male role models little Munch has now.

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    1. I am the perpetual worrier! For some reason I had it in my head that he needed male role models but from your comment it has made me stop and think that actually maybe it's not so important after all right now. Thank you - you've made me consider this from a different angle.

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  4. The most influential adults in a child's life are the parents. Think about all the people we were exposed to and think about who had the most influence of all. If you have the emotional maturity and balance at home, that's what he will learn from the most. At some point, he chooses to become who he wants to be - he just has to be taught that it's a conscious decision and always a choice.

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    1. Oh wise one ;) It was reading the article that made me think about this topic and when I racked my brain trying to think of positive male role models there were but a few. As for being the most influential - that'll be why Sprout and I want to be so very different to those that influenced us. OMG, what happens when he chooses wrong???

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    2. I agree that it's not male or female, but just role models in general. I think it's important that our kids know we're not perfect. We make mistakes, we're not infallible. I think it's important that when Lydia sees me not at my best (because she has and she will), that I have the humility to admit when I'm wrong, apologise, and tell her I'm working on it. And then actually work on it! I think this is what was missing for us. There were no apologies, no humility, just 'you will obey and respect' for no other reason than we were small and bullied into it.

      Granted it's a pain in the ass when I tell Lydia off and she says, 'Stop yelling at people'! Is that talking back, or is it telling me I'm raising my voice unnecessarily? Who the hell knows.

      Sometimes kids don't choose the right thing. Imagine what our parents were thinking with our decisions!! I know Mum blamed herself for a lot of it. On one hand I think, YES you crap head parents - it was YOU! On the other, how long can we blame them until it's just an easy way to not take responsibility for our actions?

      I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, but it does help me see that most parents, even ours (albeit sometimes a funny way of showing it), have the best intentions. We can spend too much time trying to 'teach' our kids the right thing to do, when inevitably they learn the most from our actions when we don't realise they're watching.

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    3. Lyd is only telling you what you tell her which is actually a good thing from where I'm standing. I am all for the "do as I do" and if Munch picks me up in the moments of "do as I say" then I know we have done our job well.

      Heehee, blame is a funny thing. I am the person I am because of the life I have lived so far - it doesn't define me forever and I can choose to be different I believe. The screwed up bits of me are down to my childhood but I know that and cannot change it. My future is mine to shape.

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