> Mushypea, Sprout et al: Day 4/31 - What are you afraid of

Friday 4 May 2012

Day 4/31 - What are you afraid of



The things that make me the most anxious and fearful are those that affect my son and the people I love.

My biggest fear since becoming a mother is that of screwing up as a mum and making the wrong decisions.  I know that none of us are perfect but it scares me that maybe something I do, or even don't do, may have a lasting detrimental effect on the innocent little being that we brought into this world.  I fear that my own failings and insecurities will pass to our son and I do not for one second want that.  I want him to grow up happy, secure, confident and know that he is loved more than we can possibly ever express with words alone.  I am anxious that we get it right as parents although what right is we cannot know for sure.

I fear the loss of the man I share my life with.  To have been lucky enough to have found that one person that makes my world, the thought that one day it will end doesn't bear thinking about.  I am afraid I may not be strong enough to carry on without him walking by my side without a heavy heart.  I am living in hope that when that day comes we will both be old and grey and will have lived a full life together.

These two are my greatest fears.  My lesser fears include wasps, maggots and running out of toilet paper!





17 comments:

  1. I totally agree. It doesn't bear thinking about but loo paper on the other hand... We get 9 roll packs just in case ha ha! xx

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    1. I always buy the biggest packs - Costco is my friend when it comes to toilet roll!

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  2. totally right - I keep coming back to the quote 'fear is the price of love' - it seems that's what happens when you become a mum. But yes, wasps are awful too.
    I'm off for a hospital appointment now. I'm terrified.

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    1. I hope your appointment went ok. I love that quote - it is so true.

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  3. I absolutely agree. This is my biggest fear in the world, too. I didn't write about it because even putting it down in writing is too much for me! I had to stick with something less scary.

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    1. I was crying just putting it on paper :(

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  4. I completely understand all of these fears. The ones we love are ever so precious to us! I also have a fear of running out of toilet paper (mostly in terms of when we're entertaining). I think I would be mortified if that ever actually happened!

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    1. Doesn't bear thinking about - maybe I should keep an emergency for guests only roll somewhere!!

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  5. Really honest and normal fears. I have gone over both of those things in my head time and time again. Oh and NO ONE wants to be caught in a toilet paperless position. You always find out when it's too late - or is that just me?

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    1. I have had that happen where there is just one sheet left and you have to go get a fresh roll. I tend to check there's a new roll handy when the old one is getting low now ;)

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  6. P.S. Found you via Blow Your Own Blog Horn!

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  7. Not sure I have fears of death or being without people I love. I think I would be devastated and incredibly dysfunctional afterwards, but I do accept death as a part of life. I am fairly confident I could continue living, although the grief and loss would be unbearable. Perhaps I'd be more afraid of how that would change the core of who I am, being without the people who obviously contribute so deeply to my peace and happiness.

    Parenting - that's funny. You're the one who was much more confident than I. I remember I voiced these same fears whilst pregnant with Lydia and you reassured me. I guess it's time to return the favour!

    Failings and insecurities - there's nothing wrong with those so long as you own them and don't let them control your life. I think we learn from them and it helps our kids to know that it's okay to have flaws and that it helps to build inner strength. That's what I tell myself anyway ;)

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    1. I've never feared my own death - I would just prefer those I love not to die before me for selfish reasons. It's a constant battle not to have my own insecurities take hold - I will not give up trying. Guess that's a life lesson in itself!

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  8. Totally understand your fears, I think a lot will relate to fearing the loss of a loved one x

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    1. The fear of loss gets more real the older I get!

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  9. I agree with you about the fear of screwing up as a mom -- I have a big fear about that also at times -- I figure my kids are going to need a lot of therapy -- sigh. I didn't write about that or death or anything on my list, I stuck with the smaller things -- spiders and heights -- I'm a wimp even about writing lists of things I'm afraid of -- LOL

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    1. I understand what you mean - even putting it into words myself had me shedding a tear.x

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